he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
