I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
