I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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