i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
