my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
