I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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