the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
