she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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