Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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