Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize