9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
