true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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