PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
