just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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