Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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