you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Damn victory sex feels great
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
