You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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