Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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