I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
