mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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