Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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