I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
