it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
