I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
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winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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