May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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