just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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