I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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