My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
