dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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