I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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