babies were throwing up all over the place
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
