He kissed a someone with a penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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