I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
