Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
