MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize