I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
