There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
