My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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