drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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