Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
