Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
