I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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