You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
