I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
