Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
