In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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