So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize