Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize