I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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