I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
