I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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