is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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