me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
