He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
