I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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