you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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