omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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