i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
