Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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