i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
