Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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