I want to have your abortion
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
